No Happy Ending
by puppy-on-crack
Summary: Harry is missing something in his life. When he stumbles on Draco Malfoy doing something truly horrifying he joins in, instead of running. Soon it leads him down the path of self mutilation and abuse. New sides are brought to light. Harry/Draco. Graphic sex (dubious consent). COuld be a trigger for cutters. Its bad so the weak of heart shouldnt read or get offended. VERY ANGSTY


ALRIGHT! Here's the deal. This is not happy. It is not pleasant. There is DUBIOUS CONSENT, CUTTING, ABUSE and plenty of other things that could be very harmful to the psych. Honestly I almost checked myself into a hospital when this was the thing that popped into my head and wouldn't go away. So you have been warned. I don't really mind flamers but I have to remind you that there are people who really think like this so sit on that before you get mad at me. I guess you could say it may be… oh what's the term…. The thing that sparks someone to start cutting again? Anyway.

IMPORTANT: They are in sixth year BUT Harry knows he's a horcrux. Don't ask me how, it is not incredibly important to the story. But it makes the ending work so I had to tell you. Also, the ending isn't all too good. I mean, I kind of gave up because I needed an end but in my mind there wasn't really one.

So onto the story. Just please don't be too cruel but I'd love some feedback. Harry/Draco.

Harry was wandering through the castle. It was sometime in the night. He didn't know the exact time but he knew it had been dark for hours and the sun wasn't coming up anytime soon. He bit his lip angrily. He stopped and pounded his fist into the wall. Harry didn't know what to do.

Harry hated his life. Harry hated Dumbledore, who wouldn't let him live his life. He hated Hermione and Ron, who constantly berated him and then turned around and told him he owed them. He hated Ginny; she had been dogging him about marriage. He hated the entire wizarding world for forcing him into the role of a savior.

Most of all he hated that he couldn't get this feeling to go away. Something large and suffocating had swollen near his heart and it wouldn't disappear. Even bouts of anger; screaming matches and breaking furniture did nothing for him. So he wandered. Because that heavy hearted feeling kept him awake at night.

He stomped off again. He grumbled under his breath and clenched his fists. He stopped again, this time because he saw a door. It wasn't just a normal door. It was the door to the room of setched with battle scenes. There wasn't a handle.

This was obviously not a couple's room, having a fun night of rule breaking. Harry was curious and moved closer to the door. He pressed his ear against the door. His heart jumped when it opened a little bit. After a moment's thought he opened it the rest of the way and stepped inside.

It smelled of blood. Old blood and new blood mixed together, making the room look like it was hazed in red. In the red haze sat Draco Malfoy, stripped to the waist with a knife in his hand and blood running from his chest. The sight made him stumble and his foot knocked into a table he never saw.

"Potter." Draco Malfoy looked up. His silver eyes were glazed over and if it weren't for lack of evidence Harry would've been sure he was high. He looked closely at the other boy. He was way too skinny, ribs showing even though he was supposed to be the spoiled. There were many scars. Some looked new but others had to be years old. Harry couldn't help but notice that many mirrored the ones spread across his body.

"Malfoy." Harry acknowledged, trying to keep his voice calm and restrained. Draco smiled at him and nodded to the door.

"Aren't you going to run to the Headmaster now? Tell them how the evil bastard Malfoy is trying to kill himself. Tell them how they need to save me, no matter how evil I am?" He sneered, putting his knife on the ground next to him. Harry huffed. Harry was about to answer back waspishly when he looked at Draco's face. The boy looked so relaxed and happy. The fact that he had been caught didn't even register.

"No." Harry answered. He shocked himself when he said it. When he spoke the weighted feeling loosened a little bit. Draco looked at him inquisitively and nodded.

"So are you going to leave?" Draco brushed his hair out of his eyes. There were a multitude of scars that glinted on his wrist, flickering in the light of three candles that sat in front of his body. Harry watched fascinated and shook his head.

"No,"

"Well then," Draco chuckled. "If you won't leave you might as well sit down." He motioned in front of him, on the other side of the candles. Harry strode over and dropped down onto the floor. His eyes caught a glint and he saw that Draco had picked up his knife. It turned out to be an old fashion razor with an etched ivory handle.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Draco twirled it. Harry nodded, his heart pounded in excitement but he didn't know why. Draco smiled and stared as though hypnotized by the metal. "It was my fathers. Passed down to every heir of the Malfoy family for over two hundred years. My own little rebellion I suppose."

"Why?" Harry asked. It seemed simple but it was a loaded question. Draco brought the knife to his stomach and gasped as he made a little incision above his belly button.

"You wouldn't understand." Draco rubbed his finger over the new cut.

"Try me." Harry whispered. Draco eyed him up before sighing in defeat.

"This is my control. I live my life by everybody's rules. Even my father's, especially my father's rules. I had to follow every one of his desires. Every … last … one…" He tapped specific scars with his words. They were very clearly whip marks and they were stretched like they had to grow with him. "But this is the one thing they could never control."

"I choose where I put this knife. I choose how deep to make it and how much I want to hurt. I choose whether or not I get to heal or I get to hurt. ME! I CHOOSE!" Draco screamed, shocking Harry. Harry stared as the other boy lost control and tried desperately to get it back.

"Malfoy . . ." Harry started, unsure what to say but prompted anyway. He was stunned but for some reason he felt good. The fact that someone else, a person who he thought so strong and sure of himself, was going through the same thing as him helped.

"Don't talk Potter." Draco demanded. Harry nodded and shut his mouth. After a moment he motioned to the razor. Draco looked at him then the weapon and back at him. A look of realization swept across his face and the razor exchanged hands. Harry pulled off his robes and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. A small shiver crept over him as he realized just how cold the room was. He placed the razor at his wrist.

"Don't." Draco stopped him. Harry watched Malfoy's pale hand close over his fist and move the blade closer to his elbow. "If you cut yourself there you will kill yourself. That is not what you want." Harry smiled slightly.

The blade pierced his flesh and Harry gasped as that feeling that had forced him to become a shell of a person seeped away like the blood that bubbled up at the edge of the wound. Adrenalin pierced through his body as he fell into a natural high. After a moment he let his breathe out with a 'whoosh'. He looked up at Malfoy through his lashes.

"Is it like that every time?" The breathless words filled the room as they echoed around. Draco grinned and nodded. Harry swept the blade against his skin again and reveled in the way his body finally felt alive and in control.

"So Potter, it's your turn. Tell me why." Draco demanded, leaning back on the pillows the room made appear. Harry leaned back on his pillows as well. He looked up at the ceiling and watched as the stone ceiling turned into a starry night.

"Same reason as you I suppose. Never been in control of my own life. Everyone expects something of me and never once asked for my permission. I have to be perfect Potter. I can't be friends with people the public doesn't approve of. I can't be good at any other class than Defense. I have to save everyone but I have to do it their way. If I don't go storming into the bad guy's lair and be the self sacrificing idiot that everyone wants then I am not the person they thought I was and I am condemned." He sighed and looked back at Malfoy. Malfoy was staring at him.

Draco suddenly turned over and stood up. He stooped to pick up his shirt and slid it on. He picked up the razor and wiped it on a towel he transfigured from a pillow. He slid it in his back pocket and turned to leave. Harry watched him without comment, confused but silent.

Draco turned just before he got to the door. He tossed a purple vial at Harry and smiled when he caught it.

"Take that. It will heal you so you don't get an infection but it will scar. This never happened and this place never existed. However if it did exist, it would be here every Tuesday and Friday after midnight." He left with a flick of the wrist that took place of a wave and the large iron door slid shut.

Harry laid on his back for another hour before he fell asleep for the first time in weeks. When he woke the first thing he did was check his arm. The two scars that were there were angry and swollen. He poked them and gasped at the flicker of pain. For the first time in a long time he smiled in joy. He felt like a new person.

He thought about last night. How Malfoy had listened to his story. He knew that the statement from when he said good bye was an invitation to come back and he could not wait until the next time. This was apparently what he needed and he was not about to let it go.

When Harry entered the room Draco was already there. It had been three days and the high of pain had worn off two days ago. Ron and Hermoine had noticed a difference but he brushed it off as having a good night's sleep. Being that they were more concerned about their love life than his well being they accepted it readily and resumed with breakfast without another comment.

He spent a lot of his time watching Malfoy. The other boy made no indication that anything had changed in their relationship. He would walk around the castle like he owned the place, and to anyone else nothing would've changed. But Harry had been watching him for years. When Draco thought he was alone he would allow a little of himself to show. That little vulnerability would flicker by and the haughty look would melt away.

"Your late." Malfoy snapped. He was sitting in the center of the room. It had changed a bit. It was more brightly lit with a few warmer colors, all shades of red. There was a circle of pillows making seats and a small table in the middle that held Malfoy's precious knife. Harry stepped in and shut the door.

"I didn't realize that there was an allotted time I needed to be here for a thing that doesn't exist." Harry shot back good heartedly. Only Malfoy was able to bring out that side of him, the part that wanted a challenge to his wit.

"I didn't realize moping around the castle took up that much of your time." Malfoy smirked. He motioned to the other side of the table and Harry sat down like last time. Malfoy stripped off his shirt. Harry wrinkled his nose in confusion.

"Why on your chest?" Harry questioned, watching reverently as Draco picked up the razor and drew a line on his stomach.

"Easier to hide. Also you get more pain with less blood and it is a lot less deadly." Draco answered. His eyes glazed over as adrenalin and other chemicals flooded his brain. Harry couldn't help but notice how beautiful he looked, gasping in pain and pleasure. Harry made a split second decision and pulled off his shirt.

"Wow." Draco had come out of his haze and was starring at Harry's chest. Harry blushed and looked down at his chest. There were many scars that criss crossed his torso. One stood out though. Above his heart, burned on with a branding tool was the word 'freak'. Draco leaned over and gently rubbed his fingers over the scar in a trance. Suddenly he snapped out of it.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, leaning back. He looked at the ground blushing.

"No. Its fine. I know it's ugly." Harry said, moving to put his shirt back on. Draco stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Don't. It's not ugly. I was just amazed. What happened?" Draco handed him the knife, which Harry gladly accepted. He paused then pushed the edge of blade into his skin. As he gasped he felt a rush go through his veins.

"It was my uncle. Stupid bastard always treated me like a house elf. I was beaten mercilessly for so many things. Well one day, when I was eight, I was cooking dinner. We were having tacos and I had just finished the meat. My lardass of a cousin comes in and takes a huge bite without waiting til it cooled. He screamed as it burned his mouth. Next thing you know my uncle says I used my magic to burn his precious son. He beat me til I was barely able to stay conscious. He threw me into my cupboard. When I was let out he had bought a branding iron." Harry trailed off.

Draco nodded in understanding. He watched as Harry made another scratch and finally relaxed. The other boys face always looked tense and aged. Now he finally looked like a child, rosy cheeks and smiles. Draco wondered if the other boy knew how pretty he was.

Draco leaned over and dug into his cloak, pulling out a carton of cigarettes. He pulled one out, placing it on his lips. He motioned towards Harry with the box.

"You want one?" Harry looked apprehensive. "What? You come in here and do this and you are afraid of a little cigarette?" Draco goaded. As to every challenged Harry scowled and took one, lighting it with the offered flame from Draco's wand.

"I didn't know you smoked muggle cigs." Harry commented, pulling the burning smoke into his lungs with a satisfied smirk. HE felt himself relax as the nicotine started to work.

"Another bit of rebellion I suppose." Draco shrugged. "I heard that they could help you relax, and so I tried them and I like them." He put less than eloquently. Harry nodded and took another drag from the cigarette, happy to feel the heat from the smoke envelope his body.

They sat for another hour. Each one took turns showing scars and telling stories while smoking on their cigarettes. Oddly enough there was a lot of laughter. Humor was found in situations that only kindred spirits could identify. Around five am they left, Harry patting Draco on the shoulder which was the first human touch either had felt in months.

"You know I read something…" Harry started. Draco laughed and grabbed the knife from him.

"That's a vast improvement from normal. What prompted this sudden change?" He smirked and began to carve into his chest. He had taken up to drawing shapes, focusing oddly on lightning bolts and the S shape. Harry watched the movement lovingly.

"That's not what I meant." Harry said.

"So why bring it up?" Draco questioned. Harry licked his lips and glanced down at his chest. Seeing the scars made him feel safe so he opened his mouth to continue.

"I was reading about the human brain. How you body naturally makes sure that you can't harm yourself too much. So I was thinking . . ."

"I didn't know you could do that." Draco interrupted. Harry glared at him but the other boy brushed it off. "Just get to a point Potter."

"What if we cut each other." There was a pregnant pause as the two boys stared at each other. Green eyes searched silver waiting for his reaction. There wasn't any disgust or fear, just interest.

"Alright, let's try it." Draco said, passing his razor to Harry. Harry accepted it with tingling fingers. His body was buzzing in excitement.

"Lie on your stomach." Harry demanded.

"Why?" Draco questioned, still he followed the order and laid face down on the pillows. Harry didn't answer for a moment, too entranced in the nearly flawless skin on the other boys back.

"Because you can't reach there. The skin in untouched and sensitive." As if to prove his point he dragged the dull end of the blade down the pale back. The body under him shuddered and groaned. Harry moved so he was straddling Draco's legs. He watched in fascination as the tip of the razor sank neatly into the skin canvas beneath him.

"Oh god!" Draco screamed into the pillow. Harry immediately drew back.

"Was it too much?" He asked worried. Draco shook his head in a pillow.

"No, don't stop. It's absolutely perfect!" Harry grinned and went back to carving into the body willingly laying before him. He didn't stop until there were a dozen long cuts decorating the previously clear skin. Harry dragged his fingers through the torn flesh and blood, making Draco yelp. He scooted back and watched as Draco sat up and stretched, wincing at the pain. Harry felt wet and looking down at his pants he saw the legs and crotched soaked in blood.

"That was amazing. Do you want to try?" Draco questioned. Harry looked back up with a smirk.

"Do you even have to ask?" Harry flopped onto his stomach, groaning as the tares on his chest deliciously complained. He felt Draco lean over him to take the knife from his grip. As he did his mind wondered how easily he had come to trust the man who used to be his worst enemy. He was lying, presenting his back to get cut to shreds for those delicious licks of pain. Malloy could easily kill him and at this point Harry wouldn't complain if he did.

The blade stroked him teasingly, scratching him but not piercing the skin. Suddenly he felt the cold metal sink into the muscle on his lower back and agonizingly slice its way across his back. Harry bit a pillow as the delicious pain hit a level he could never get to. His head felt light in all the pain as did the feeling that had made him start this path. His lower back burned and it spread a warmth through his entire body. Draco chuckled and made another incision up near the shoulder.

"I know, it's intoxicating isn't it? You wish it will end but your begging for it to never stop. Delicious." He murmured. Harry nodded, those were his feelings put to words.

Draco finally finished on Harry's back and they laid down, watching the sky as they had a habit of doing. Harry was just about to slip into sleep when Draco stood. He pulled on his shirt and plucked something from his pocket. A little purple was placed next to Harry and Draco turned to leave.

"Don't forget to take that." Draco spoke. Harry leaned up and looked at him.

"Where do you get this?"

"I brew it when I can. If I can't I nick them from the hospital wing or professor Snape."

"Oh," Harry acknowledged before turning to look at the sky. "See you later." He mumbled just before the door shut with a 'clang'.

It had been two months since Harry had stumbled onto an interesting scene and started a new life of pain. The two had started meeting every night. They didn't always cut, sometimes they would drink or smoke. But those nights were few and far between. This time though, when Harry entered the room Draco didn't already have his razor out. He sat in front of the table as always but there was a small black box there.

"Sit down Potter." Draco said, tilting his head towards Harry's normal pillow. Harry sat, staring at the little box with interest.

"What's this?" He asked after a few minutes of silence.

"It's a gift. For you." Draco sneered and pushed the box closer with a single finger. "Open it."

Harry nodded and tool off the top of the box. He gasped and pulled the object out of the box. He held a beautiful razor. The handle was a heavy emerald, studded with silver. There was a beautiful engraving of his name near the base.

With a flick of his wrist the blade flew out. The blade was black, deathly black. It glimmered enticingly as he twirled it, looking from all angles. He ran a finger over the edge and licked his lips as it cut his thumb with barely any pressure. He looked at Draco in wonder.

"I thought it was about time you got your own. The handle is emerald and the blade is onyx. Spelled never to rust and never get dull." Draco smirked as Harry smiled.

"Thank you." Harry said.

"You're welcome. Do you want to try it out?" Draco asked. Harry nodded and watched as Draco pulled off his shirt. He was excited, which was a feeling he was just getting used to again.

They both spent the night trying out the new razor. When they were finished Draco transfigured a towel to mop up the blood. Harry glanced at him, still fascinated with the scars that seemed to be amassing on the other person. He wished he could see what he looked like. Suddenly the rooms walls turned to mirrors.

Harry stood and saw his image. His skin looked pale in the light but the tracks of stars looked paler. He traced a few with his finger. He saw Draco looking at him from behind. He felt great looking at the mirrors. A part of him that had been missing, that he was sure he'd never find again, made itself known. Then a thought popped into his head.

"Ron and Hermione would never forgive me." Harry whispered. Draco guaffed and passed him his shirt.

"Like their forgiveness actually matters."

"But they're my friends." Harry tried to argue. Draco just glared at him.

"Friends would've noticed that there was something missing from your life. They would've noticed that you have been acting strange for two years." Draco snapped. Harry turned to him.

"And you noticed?"

"How could I not?" He shrugged and turned away. He paused then turned back. "This doesn't make you my friend."

"Why in the world would I think that?" Harry smirked. Though as the other left he couldn't help thinking that he was possibly the closest thing to a friend Malfoy had, just like how Draco was the closest he had.

Harry was laying on his stomach, groaning and panting under the treatment of the razor. His skin was oversensitive, shuddering as he felt drops of blood dripping down his side and the little brushes of air as Draco breathed onto the open wounds. He loved how Draco carved into his skin, delicate and precise like an artist. He wished he could be that skilled on Draco. He even brought it up once and Draco just brushed him away, saying he like the crude ugly lines better. He heard Draco say something above him and the razor still.

"What?" Harry asked.

"I said, I wonder what it tastes like." Draco repeated a little louder and a little more sure of himself. Harry felt the breathe get closer, like Draco was speaking right onto his skin.

"What are you talking about?" Harry inquired, raising his chest up a little to settle on his elbows.

"Your blood. It's intoxicating. I want to taste it. Can I?" The last part was whispered. The room was deathly quiet, like it always seemed to be. Harry stiffened for a moment, unsure of how he should answer. After a moment's thought Harry nodded his head and laid back down.

Harry gasped as a rough tongue ran over his back. It was warm and wet; sending a feeling from the point of touch down to his toes. He groaned as the appendage dug into his wounds.

"Wow." Draco moaned. He licked his lips that were stained a deep red. He scooted off Harry and leaned back on the pillows. Harry looked up at him and saw the pleased look Draco's face.

"So how was it?" Harry questioned breathily. Draco licked his lips again and sighed.

"Delicious. It was strong and sweet. Better than I would've ever expected." Harry felt his curiosity peak as he sat up. He took a vial of the purple potion and winced at the disgusting taste.

"Can I try it?" Draco nodded. Harry pulled out his razor and placed it on Malfoy's chest. Blood began to seep down, dark and crimson, from the edge of the wound. Harry leaned forward and swept his tongue over the trail of blood. He moaned as the taste hit his tongue. He kept licking at the blood, desperately trying to get more.

"You are wonderful Malfoy. Tastes sharp, bitter but amazing." He panted. Draco watched as a small drop of his blood trailed down Harry's lip. He leaned it and swept his tongue against Harry's lip, tasting his blood on Harry's body.

"You kissed me." Harry stated in wonder, running his finger over his lips.

"So?" Draco said. Harry tried to think of something to say but there was really nothing. They had done so many intimate things that a brush of the lips and tongue seemed miniscule.

"We are both boys." Harry spoke. Draco laughed and shook his head.

"Does that really matter? Or would you rather have a girl you were doing this with?" Draco stared at him. It was supposed to be a joke but it seemed that he wanted a real answer.

"No girl would ever do this." Harry answered, even though it wasn't the answer to the question. Draco nodded and leaned back. He made a small cut on his arm and licked the blood that came from the wound. He looked menacing with the blood smeared on his lips, but for some reason Harry thought it made him look more intoxicating. Harry leaned over and mimicked what Draco had done earlier, licking the blood off of his counterparts lips. On a split second decision he pressed his lips into the others to deepen the kiss. They parted panting.

"No person would ever do this for you. Male or female." Draco commented.

"Except for you." Harry pointed out. Malfoy smiled but his eyes looked distant.

"Yes. . . except for me."

The boys stayed with each other the rest of the night. They didn't sleep, both excited about their new discovery. They felt more alive cutting themselves and each other then drinking their life's blood. An hour before breakfast the parted from each other and went back to their rooms. Both were thinking about what was happening to them. They pondered how something so simple as causing pain was now becoming something much more. They were addicted, addicted to it all.

Harry was alone in the room. He was a little worried. Draco was always in here earlier than him and the fact that he wasn't caused an uneasiness to fall in Harry's stomach. He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that when the door slammed open he flinched in surprise.

Draco stood in the doorway fuming. His eyes burned as the stared unseeingly at Harry. His lip was bleeding like he had been chewing on it, a habit Malfoy had come by when he was in need of the pain but in a place he couldn't get to it. His hair was ruffled as though he had been in a fight along with his clothes.

"Malfoy, what-" Harry was cut off when the other boy stormed over to him. Harry felt a hand on his head and felt his hair being pulled up by the roots. To relieve the pressure he stood, his face being pulled close to Draco's. Harry panted and groped at the offending hand to loosen its grip. Malfoy growled at the movement and threw him back. Harry stumbled onto a bed that had appeared and fell on top of the covers.

"Malfoy! Stop it, what happened?!" But Draco didn't answer him. With a slash of his wand Harry laid naked and shivering. Harry tried to cover himself but he found his hands bound above his head and to the headboard. Draco slashed his wand again and he was naked as well.

He stalked over to the shivering body with a look of malice. He slipped over the shuddering skin and looked down at the frightened face. Roughly he kissed him. It wasn't really a kiss. It was aggression put to action. He bit at the surprisingly compliant lips, breaking the skin and licking away the blood with a moan. He ran his fingers over Harrys chest, digging them in and scraping at the skin. Harry yelled and arched into the touch.

There was another scream as a fist pounded into the bound boys jaw. There was a look of surprise and confusion. Harry spat a little and a couple drops of blood seeped onto his lip. Draco growled and smacked him again, this time with an open palm.

"You will not speak." Was the command he gave. "You will not make a sound." The blood tipped fingers gripped Harry's chin and forced him to look straight into the red tinted silver eyes. "Do you understand me?" Harry nodded and his chin was released.

Harry yelped as he was flipped over. His shoulder screamed in pain as they were twisted in a way they were not meant to. A hand landed roughly on his bottom and his body shot forward with the forced. Harry groaned at the pain, hating it and loving it at the same time. He felt teeth sink into his back and he tried to pull away, but that only made it worse and it stretched the skin.

He felt something pressed against his ass and shuddered when he realized that it was Draco's cock. The hard appendage was placed at his entrance. He screamed as he was breached without any preparation or any type of lube. Tears ran down his face and he cursed to himself when he realized that the pain became nothing but pleasure to him. Harry bit his lip to keep from crying out in pain and pleasure a Draco fiercely pounded into him, desperate to ignore the depravity he had sunk to. Malfoy was panting and moaning as he pumped into the tight passage, it was an easy slide now that it had become slick with blood. His anger burned through his veins and the sight of the bright red blood on the body below him just fueled his anger and arousal. At odd intervals he would smack Harry or bite him until he drew the wonderful blood. He groaned as the tight ass would grip him to the point that it hurt when he caused Harry any type of pain.

It was rough, vulgar and completely animalistic. The whole scene was deprived of any loving touch or any loving words, in fact there were no words at all. Both boys took the pain and the pleasure, Harry desperate to feel more and Draco desperate to feel in control and to fall to his anger. For what seemed like hours to both of them the rutted. They slammed into each other until they were so slick with sweat and blood that it made it difficult for either of them to move.

Finally Draco started to speed up his thrust, gripping the hips tighter in his bruising force. Just as he came he lunged forward and bit down on the flesh of Harry back, moaning at the wave of blood that filled his mouth as his cum filled the person below him. Harry threw back his head and bellowed at the final thrust and bite, cumming harder than he ever had in his life. Spots grew in front of his eyes and his only thought was that if he could die at any moment he would want it to be right now.

The two laid panting on the bed for minutes before either tried to move or talk. Finally Draco pulled out of the abused hole, watching in fascination as it dripped blood and cum. Harry moaned and tried to roll his shoulders, which were now numb from pain.

"Can you untie me?" Harry mumbled from his face down position. A look of shock ran rampant over Draco's face and he rushed for his wand to undo the bonds. When the ropes released Harry rubbed his raw wrist and turned over to look at the other boy. The angry expression he had come in with had long since disappeared, leaving nothing but horror and shame.

"Potter…. I am so sorry." Draco whispered, head hung in shame. Harry just laughed which caused a look of confusion.

"You might as well call me Harry, considering what was just done." Draco was dumbfounded but nodded anyway. "And it is alright. This was not the first time. Though I will say it was the first time I enjoyed it so thoroughly." There was another chuckle.

"Not the first time? You mean?" Draco nodded at Harry's chest, in particular the scars that neither of the boys had made themselves.

"Yes…. Him. But that it a thing of the past. What I want to know now is why you did this." Harry motioned to the mess around them and the blood still on Draco's lips. Draco nodded and leaned back against the headboard of the bed.

"I got a letter from my father today." Draco trailed off and looked at the ceiling, which was still the starry night it always was. Harry nodded but didn't speak, waiting for him to say something first. "I am to be married. As soon as I get out of school. To one of fathers business partners daughter." His anger colored his tone and Harry nodded in an understanding way.

"Will you?" Harry asked in the silence, moving over to lean his head on Draco's chest.

"Will I what?"

"Will you marry her?"

"Do I have a choice?" There was a sigh after the question, that was really more of a statement. It was a sigh of defeat. A sound of someone who had fought so hard and had finally given up.

"You don't have to." Harry spoke, trailing a finger over Dracos chest. He was tracing the scars reverently.

"And how do you figure that Harry? There is no way to escape my father's clutches." Draco looked longingly into the distance, looking at something Harry wasn't sure was really there.

"You can run away. Hide until you are seventeen. I've read that at that time an heir could petition the head of house and take control if they have proof that the head of house isn't doing their duty. When your seventeen just go to the ministry and give them proof that your father was a death eater and you get your wish." Harry explained. He cocked his head at the surprised look in Draco's face. "Did you not know that?"

"I suppose that most pureblood kids wouldn't know that. Why would you give an enemy the means to overthrow you?" Draco mused with a small grin. Harry shrugged and settled closer to Draco's chest, hearing the steady heart beat.

"I suppose it would be a stupid idea." Those were the last words from either of the two. They fell asleep holding each other. Exhausted from the emotional turmoil, violent fucking and blood loss they succumbed quickly into the first nightmare-less sleep either had since they were children.

They kept having sex. It was something they both needed and wanted. It wasn't loving at any point. Neither wanted or needed love so they avoided it. Harry admitted to Draco his abuse. He spelled out how his uncle used him. He even laughed a little when he admitted that it never happened that often, just when his uncle would arrive home drunk and angry.

Draco admitted to his own abuse. As he grew he resembled his father more and more. His mother, distraught from his arrest and being ignored, and his aunt, who had been harboring an obsessive infatuation to his father, had both attempted and sometimes succeeded in taking him to bed. He chuckled too.

It had been nearly half a year since these demented meetings started and both boys had changed a lot. People noticed the changes but thought they were for the better and said nothing. No one looked closely enough to notice that they were happening in relation to the other.

Harry was doing well in school. This was the biggest change that the others, students and teachers, noticed. He was focused in class and was completing all of his homework. He was also less sullen to their surprise. Still quite and withdrawn but not as depressed as before. Hermione and Ron noticed him slipping away all the time but they didn't really mind. They, meaning Hermione, assumed that Harry had found a girlfriend. Someone who was helping him study and making him happy.

Malfoy had become a new person as well, though it was really his friends that had noticed the small changes. For one, he had become increasingly nicer. He didn't throw out insults like trash he didn't want. He even avoided the Golden trio and circumvented any chance that he could star an argument. He was also happier, but this only showed as him being more relaxed. So his friends just nodded their heads and were happy that the place he snuck out to was helping the forlorn ice prince.

The two in question were sitting on the floor of their special room. In the afterglow of sex they were lounging naked, each with a razor in hand. It was three in the morning and neither of them wished to go back to their empty rooms.

"Does this make us sadists or masochists?" Harry pondered, dragging his lips and tongue over his slit arm.

"What are you talking about Harry?" Draco sneered. Harry smirked, knowing that the sneer was merely a joke they both shared.

"Us doing this? Hurting each other and then ourselves. Which would we be?" Harry chewed on his lip and concentrated on the ceiling.

"Well it depends, I suppose. Which do you like more? Cutting into yourself or cutting into me?" Draco shrugged and looked back down at his chest with a smile.

Harry thought about that question. He thought about the first time he cut his skin, sheered his flesh. The spark of pleasure that went through his body and still made him shudder in the memory. Then he shifted and remembered the time he pierced Draco's skin. Pulling the blade through the flesh and lapping at the blood.

"I like the pain."

"So we are masochist with sadistic tendencies." Draco nodded in affirmation to his own answer. Harry chuckled. He placed his razor down and laid back. There was a long silence as the two lounged. Draco had requested supplies from the room and was washing and shining his razor. Harry looked at his watch. He saw the hand flicker onto 3:15 am. He sighed and resigned himself to a night without sleep.

"Would you ever…. I don't know, tell anybody about this?" Harry broke the silence. Draco looked at him sharply. Slowly he placed his razor down and looked at the lounging boy.

"I will never tell anyone. And it would be good if you followed that." He sneered pointedly. Harry looked at him uninterested, used to the look.

"So even year in the future. When you have fallen in love and had your little Malfoy heir. When you finally have everything you want and need you would still keep this secret from your wife?" Harry gave an odd look.

"Potter. You are the only person who has seen me this way and you will be the only one that ever finds out." Draco stared at Harry, sharp silver eyes daring him to refute it. Harry didn't say anything, just looked back at the challenge. "Would you ever tell anyone Harry?" Draco asked, but it came out as a whisper.

"I may. If I found someone who loved me unconditionally and that I loved back. If I knew they wouldn't hate me and accept it I would admit it. I wouldn't say anything about you if that's what you want?" Harry suggested in earnest. Draco smiled a little and laughed.

"You will never find someone like that. Everyone will think this is wrong and try and get us _help." _Draco said disdainfully. "At this point I don't know if I'd ever fall in love and marry a woman. I'd rather be alone for all my life than have to get together with a money grabbing fool."

"What do you mean?"

"People will only want to marry me for my name. It is going to be the same way with you. They would marry me because they would get a pureblood name and access to money. My family is the richest in all of Britain and any girl is going to be aiming for that. Then they would go after you because they would be the wife of a hero. Not to mention the pureblood name Potter and the money that comes with it."

"You know that I am rich?"

"Despite your best attempts to prove otherwise," Draco eyes Harry's clothes in a pile next to him on the floor. "yes I knew you are rich. Something over fifteen million I believe."

Harry looked startled at the answer and immediately gave away that it was right. He began chewing his lip again as he thought over what Draco had said. He sighed and shook his head.

"Do you really believe that we won't find love?" Harry whispered.

"I know that I will never love a woman." Draco affirmed.

"And if it was a man?" Harry inquired.

"That will never be an option for me. I will be alone for the rest of my life." Draco shrugged and licked his lips. "I suppose I am okay with the idea now."

"You don't have to be alone." Harry said.

"And how do you figure that?" Draco spoke. Harry sat up and scooted closer. Draco shuddered as the warm breathe ghosted over his lips. He swiped his tongue across the cracked skin, accidentally brushing against Harry's mouth.

"You won't be alone, you have me." Harry whispered. He leaned forward and bit at the pale, cracked lips. There was a gasp and the other teeth bit back. The two felt a sickness fall into their stomachs as they connected on a level they never had before. The closeness was wonderful but disgusting.

"Are you saying that we would continue this after school?" Draco asked incredulously.

"No. But I will always remember this. It's not much, but knowing that someone else knows helps." He reverently brushed the scars that would remind both of them forever, whether they wanted to or not. "And if you need . . . this, then I will always be willing to help." Harry peered at Malfoy intently. His green eyes flashed with the intensity he was speaking. Draco couldn't help but smile.

"Always?" Draco asked, letting his insecurities slip into the word. Harry pulled h9i into a hug, pressing his face against his chest.

"Always." Harry vowed. They sat like that for over an hour. Not a word or a tear was shared. But to the two helpless souls, who each had more reasons that any normal person to do so, this seemed stronger than any therapy session could.

They waited until it was late in the morning. Harry watched as Malfoy walked away. He was happier now than he had ever been. It had been a month since the last time he felt the heavy hearted feeling. Now it was replaced with a light headed feeling. Vaguely he wondered if it was love. Harry shrugged it off as euphoria from pain and pleasure.

A week later Harry was sitting in the great hall during dinner. He was watching Draco push his food around his plate and not eat. The other boy was getting skinnier at a dangerous level. Harry had noticed that he was also losing weight but not quite like Draco. He mused about telling Draco to eat more. Maybe he would bring extra food when they met up tonight. He was deciding whether or not Draco was going to like chicken when Hermione woke him from his thoughts.

"Harry, Harry! Pay attention." She squealed. Harry winced at the sound a bit but smiled fakely to placate her.

"Yes Hermione?"

"Were you staring at Malfoy again?" She said sharply. Unfortunately she said it loud enough for most of the people around them to hear and turn around in interest. Harry sighed and rubbed his temple.

"No Hermione. I was just thinking about homework.:

"yeah, why would Harry look at that slimy bastard anyway?" Ron said way too loud.

"Language Ron! Anyway, I don't know. He is acting strange though." She nodded in MAlfoys direction and trialed off. Harry felt his heart drop and he tried to think of a lie.

"You're over thinking it. Maybe he is just stressed." Harry suggested. Hermione nodded and went back to eating. A few minutes later Harry leaned across the table to grab a plate, his shirt riding up his back without his knowledge. Everyone turned around at Ginny's scream.

"Oh my god Harry! What happened?!" Harry stared and tried desperately to fumble with words.

"What . . . What do you mean?"

"The scars! They're all over your back." She yelled. Everyone moved to look at Harry. He blushed and tried to back away.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Harry demanded. He tugged at his shirt.

"Evansceo." Hermione shouted, banishing his shirt. There were scattered screams as the material disappeared. Harry looked around the hall. All the faces were pictures of horror or disgust, except Draco. He looked at the silver eyes as they lit up, even though his face stayed expressionless. Harry looked down at his chest and cringed at the sight.

His skin looked like it had gone through the shredder. The scars were red and angry, raised from the skin. The burned letters were the most prominent sight; it was large and shiny with scarred tissue. Some of the gashes were scabbed and one or two still had wet blood where they had been torn. There were bite marks scatter across his chest, and he assumed his back, that made him look like he had been attacked by an animal. He touched one that was over his heart fondly, grazing his fingers over the puncture wound. To Harry each mark was a fond memory but everyone gaped in horror when they realized what it meant.

"Who did this to you?" Professor Mcgonnagall spoke what everyone was thinking.

"No one did. They were all self-inflicted." Harry admitted, halfway truthfully. Students stared at the admission but others weren't so easily derailed.

"Do you think we are dumb Harry?" Hermione squealed. "You wouldn't burn something on your chest. You also have scars all over your back. And they are recent." She pointed out.

"Oh" Harry said as if it had just occurred to him. "My Uncle did these. . ." He trailed off. He looked over at Draco. He could tell that the other boy was getting nervous and fidgety; he had begun to chew on his lips.

"Harry! Those are recent! DON'T LIE TO US. Someone has been doing this to you."

"No one is doing this to me!" Harry yelled adamantly.

"Harry just tell us who it is so she can get what she deserves." Ginny whispered.

"What?!"

"I mean. It is obvious that you are in a relationship. And it is also obvious that it is an abusive relationship. You don't need to hide her."

"I'm not in an abusive relationship!" Harry yelled.

"That's just what she is making you think!"

"Listen!" Harry bellowed. He glared at all his confronters. "Everything that has been done was completely consensual. What I choose to do and who I choose to do it with is my business, is my business alone!"

"But Harry she-" Harry cut Hermione off with a wave of the hand.

"It's not a girl, so stop saying she!" Harry yelled without thinking. In the silence he again looked at Draco, who was glaring at him.

"So it's a male! A guy has been doing this to you?" Hermione mused.

"Your gay?!" Ron shouted rather stupidly.

"I never said that." Harry back tracked, but it was too late.

"Was it one of the staff?" Mcgonagall interrupted.

"NO!" Harry exclaimed in indignation. The room broke out in titters and shouts.

"Well it definitely wasn't a Gryffindor!"

"Maybe he's lying about it being a teacher!"

"Couldn't've been a Hufflepuff either!"

"Maybe a Ravenclaw?"

"We would never!"

"Will you be quiet?!" Harry tried to interject.

"What about the Slytherins?"

"Yeah, they would be the ones to do this kind of thing. But who would it be?"

"It would have to be someone in our year." Hermione conceded to the logic of everyone else.

"Draco where are you going?!"

Everyone turned at Pansy's wail to see Draco running towards the door. There were a couple of shouts and a teacher shot a spell that caused ropes to circle his ankles and wrists. He fell with a heavy thud, struggling and cursing.

"Potter! Why couldn't you have kept your mouth shut?!" Draco lashed out, biting his lip.

"They didn't know it was you until you tried to run away. If you didn't want them to know you shouldn't act suspicious. Running like a banshee is going to raise some questions." Harry snorted.

"Malfoy did this?!" Ron shouted from behind the bodies of Neville and Seamus, who had moved to black him. "I'll kill him!" A few people tried to cheer him on.

"STOP!" A hush grew over the hall as harry bellowed the command. He glared at everyone around him. "You will not hurt him."

"But Harry he will need to be punished. Arrested at the least." Professor Dumbledore made himself known. Harry turned on him, arms crossed and face cold

"If you want to arrest him you will have to arrest me as well. Nothing was done to me that wasn't done on him. You cannot arrest him for doing as I said. In fact, if you were to arrest anyone you would have to arrest me. I was the first person to make a mark on the other." Harry sneered. He turned to the bound boy and immediately his face softened. "Show them."

"NO." Draco snarled. But his vote was overruled as a wand came out and banished his shirt.

Harry felt a spark of lust as the other boy was stripped to the waist. Draco was truly beautiful. He looked so regal, his snow white skin giving him the impression of a battered prince. The scars were in varying shades of pink and silver and the bite marks were a brilliant red. He looked so broken and debauched Harry licked his lips. He waved his wand and made the bonds disappear. Draco immediately turned into himself and tried to cover the scars.

"Dammit!" Draco swore. He bowed his head and everyone was surprised when tremors shook his body as he cried for the first time in ten years. Harry expected this, knowing that they boy was as close to the edge of breaking as he was. He padded over and pulled him into a hug, loving the way their skin and scabs rubbed together.

"It's going to be okay." Harry whispered.

"No its not Potter. They are going to tell my father. I will be punished then disowned. They will put us in an institution. We will be lucky to get out of the asylum buy the time we are thirty. I won't go through that." Draco was whispering too,, though neither really cared that they were heard. It just seemed right. Harry brushed his hand through the soft silver hair, the only real gentle touch that they gave each other.

"No they won't. I promise I won't let them. I have a plan." Harry bit him lightly on the ear. Draco chuckled.

"What has my life come to? Me relying on the plans of a Gryffindor."

'Trust me, please."

"You are the only person who has ever gotten my trust." Draco said in reply. Harry smiled and turned to the front of the room, pointedly ignoring the stares. Draco dropped his head on Harrys bare chest.

"Headmaster." Harry addressed the old wizard. The man in question acknowledged him with a nod. His expression was very grave, his eyes lacked their usual luster. "We are leaving." Harry stated. He tried not to hiss as Draco nervously sunk his teeth into his chest, drawing blood.

"I can't allow you to do that my boy. You need help." The man sighed. Harry pulled Draco tighter when the other boy shuddered at the refusal.

"you will allow it because it was not an option. We are going to leave, going to a safe house that I have prepared. We will wait until Draco can legally claim his title as Lord Malfoy. By that time we will be of legal age and no one will be able to do anything about it."

"But Harry."

"No. We are leaving. If you try to stop us I will leave Voldemort to you. I will refuse to fight and I will tell him exactly why he will want to keep me alive." He paused as Dumbledore glanced up at his scar. "You also won't tell anyone about this. It will stay a secret. When we go you will all be placed under a spell that won't let you speak about it to anyone." Harry declared, digging his fingers harshly into Draco as he waited for the response.

"What caused this? Explain if you will?" Dumbledore requested quietly, like a tired old man.

"There were many things that caused this. But it was not one persons faulty . . . atleast not on my end." There was a meaningful look at the broken boy in his arms. "All I know is that we were unhappy. Then we found something that helped."

There was an ugly silence as people tried to comprehend what they would never be able to understand. A few people looked on the edge of a realization but that meant nothing to the two. They felt no need to explain themselves and be understood. In fact, if it had been just Draco he would've never even tried to explain. People looked in horror when Draco finally moved his head and licked his lips of the blood. He silently bent to pick up his wand and moved back to Harry.

Harry gladly accepted the boy back into his arms and turned to walk away. Hermione and Ron moved to stop them but they were stopped by a spell from Dumbledore. With a loud crack the two were gone, apparated regardless of the wards that should've prevented them.

It was not a happily ever after. No one knew for sure what happened to the two. Harry came back as he promised to take care of Voldemort. Malfoy took over the Lordship of the Malfoy line. A year later he appeared with a child and a wife. Harry married as well, but to a muggle man from America. Only the people who sat in the hall that day were surprised that the two of them lived.

What they did not see was that neither of them truly changed. Harry did marry that man, and yes he loved him. But it was not enough. The only person that was ever enough was Malfoy. He knew it and so did his husband. It was strained when the problem was first brought up, but love is more understanding than one can imagine. They decided they should both be free to satisfy their urges, as long as they came back to each other in the end of the day.

Malfoy was not in love. Though truly in his heart he did not want it. So he married someone who he befriended many years ago. It was easier to live with a friend than a wife. They had a child as they were both expected to and Draco was surprised to find that he was not an awful father. Bit irritable and unpleasant when his urges were not satisfied for a while, but doting and attentive. Harry had become like a uncle to his son, acquainted from his frequent visits.

Both men still held their pattern of self harm, only this time they had blockers. If either fell too far their wife or husband would force them to stop and draw back. So both had the most controlled way that anyone could get too. That didn't stop them from going overboard on occasion and they always ended with the two in the hospital.

So no, there were no happy endings. They didn't realize that there were better ways. Neither found the one thing that would make up for their pasts. They didn't find love in the conventional ways. But to those two, who their entire lives were a series of horrors strung together, it was more than they could've ever hoped for.


End file.
